Finals for my Senior Year is getting closer and closer. It's such a bizarre and surreal feeling.
Knowing that fours years of stress, anxiety, loss, and literally anything you can think that could possibly happen happened.
All of that is going to be over. Another chapter of my life is about to end and I'm going to be starting a new one.
I'm getting my diploma this Friday, my Grad Party is next Saturday, right afterwards I'm going to Boston with my Great Grandmother, sister, and significant other, and my 19th birthday is in less than 3 weeks!
This is all happening so fast. I mean... It's all happy emotions and events coming up, but it's stressing me out a lot.
I'm so nervous, cause every time a big exciting event comes up or I'm super happy for a long period of time, I always have a large crash and get really depressed.
And with all of this happening for an incredibly long period, I'm afraid I won't have that time to have my low day and then need to force a good day.
Which isn't healthy for my mental health.
I'm afraid I'll screw something up, I'm afraid I'll say something or do something wrong and not realize it.
I'm at a point where I don't know how to act or say without being in fear that I'm going to get a talking to about my behavior.
I'm afraid a small joke will turn into a life lesson, or I'll start venting out to everyone like an open book.
Or that I won't greet everyone, or not give the right people the right amount of attention.
The worse part is that I'll know I'll be like that. A socially awkward runt that will talk before thinking and will try not to have another anxiety attack nearly the entire time.
-takes deep breath-
Obviously I'm over thinking everything, but I guess when everything is about to happen, I'm sure anyone would be.
Hopefully at least.
Anyways, I guess this is my little vent.
Um... Thanks for anyone for reading.